Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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