Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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