The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
