k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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