who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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