I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
