you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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