I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
