i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
