ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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