I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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