So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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