Whod you bang
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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