it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
