Whod you bang
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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