I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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