I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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