Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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