You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
