thus making me awesome and them whores
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just high enough for therapy.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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