I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
