the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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