get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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