no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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