So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
