if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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