Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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