Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
