Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
