dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
