Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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