My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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