but the lizard people decide everything anyway
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
