she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
