I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
