she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
