i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
