This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
