Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
