Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
