Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
