These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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