bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
