2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
