Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
