last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
