i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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