I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
