Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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