They should really pass out barf bags in church
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
