So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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