is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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