Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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