If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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