Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
accomplished twins. life is a go
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
