I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My life is pants optional.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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