People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
