Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Holy sore nipples Batman
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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