Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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