dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
