Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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