I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
