While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
