The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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