I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
