I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
