would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
