why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
