so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
