you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The struggles of a small town man whore
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
