you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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