I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
