In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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