I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
