No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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