My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I stole a fireplace last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
