Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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