yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
