Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
