Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
