I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I will pee on everything he values.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
