I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
