Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My ass is underappreciated
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
