Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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